Comments on: I had forgotten

By: Suzy

Suzy — Thu, 08 Dec 2005 14:44:36 +0000

It’s baloney. It is very doubtful that your baby was too big. Or that there is anything wrong with your body. After my first (and awful–clumsy forceps) birth, the doc told me that the problem was my “thick muscle wall”. Total BS. I can’t speak for your birth, but in my case, as in many, the problem was basically that it was not really time yet. Yes, I KNOW the baby was getting bigger each day, but if we had waited just a few days, I know (that is, I know NOW, from my other 3 babies) that my body would have done the job quite well. Once I was hooked up to the pitocin it was a downward spiral. I was stuck in that bed. Which goes against all logical sense. I mean, do we lie on our backs to go potty?

Anyway, I learned that for ME, the best choice was unassisted birth at home with just my husband. But that is a HUGE responsibility and requires a lot of preparation and planning. Which includes knowing when it is time to transfer to the hospital if necessary. I don’t go around recommending it, even though my unassisted births have been amazing and empowering. If you plan on having another baby, though, you might read some of the info out there by and for Unassisted birthers. I think it is tremendously useful, even if one is planning a hospital birth.

Take good care.

By: Mete

Mete — Thu, 24 Nov 2005 21:57:56 +0000

I can only offer an outsider’s opinion here – you are NOT a failure. You did your best. You were prepared. Unfortunately, some things were out of your control. That wasn’t your fault.

By: DoctorMama

DoctorMama — Thu, 24 Nov 2005 21:53:38 +0000

Listen. There is no time or place in history in which it has been simple or easy to have a baby. Although the medical system can be abusive, having a baby is dangerous. When medical care is not available, things often go fine, but often mothers die, and babies die, and this has nothing to do with how feminist or patriarchal the society might be. Inbred societies tend not to need c-sections, because those who are too large to be born are selected out. You nourished your baby well, and he grew to the size he was meant to be, and that was too big for your body, and that is not your fault.

You are allowed to be sad and angry and to feel resentful of your giant boy. The pain might or might not make you a better person. But it’s not like losing your father. Once you are not raw — inside and outside — you will be ok. More than ok.