Even old New York was once New Amsterdam

July 27

Did I mention the CD was at the printer's? Yeah. Seemed to take forever, but it's Going. To. Be. DONE. And I couldn't be happier.

Actually, at the moment, rather than just taking this opportunity to lay around after getting all that accomplished, Matt and I are doing our best to get to all the other things that have been on hold. I finally got all my books sorted and unpacked today, and sent 4 boxes of unwanted pots and pans off to the Goodwill. The guy comes to pick them up and informs me that I was "supposed" to have them waiting downstairs. Now, the only pick up time they would give me was "between 8am and 3pm." And there is absolutely nowhere to put four boxes downstairs in our tiny (about 3 feet wide) narrow hallway that wouldn't block people coming in. And putting stuff on the curb isn't a really good idea; aside from the stuff being taken, people tend to dump their cigarette butts, soda cups, dog poo baggies, and gum into boxes you leave on the curb. Not a good plan.

So whatever, guy. I got up at 8am on a Saturday just in case you showed up. That's all the charity I can handle.

While I puttered around, Matt got up and went to get some lumber to build a bookcase. Lucky for me, his dad taught him useful skills like that. The case is kind of a stair-step thingy that goes on the mantle of the walled up fireplace in our living room/bedroom. It also allows the cat to climb up to the top of the closet, where she can survey us from up near the ceiling. Very posh.

I should also have time now to continue the long-delayed Tour de Testosterone...in fact, I'm going to try to read/review two of the books next week. There are a lot of other books I want to review, but that has to get out of the way first.

Let's see, this is getting dull. You guys need a funny story. OK....Last week, my friend Christina was up for a visit and we went to see a WNBA game at Madison Square Garden. She decides she wants some cotton candy and so we gesture the guy with the long pole to come up to our nosebleed seats. But then she's fumbling around for her money, having trouble finding her wallet in her purse. "Sorry, sorry, just a second," she tells him while she's digging for change. And he says, in a perfect Brooklyn accent, "Dat's ok, sweethaht, I could juse da rest." Heh.

Oh, one more thing...the little nycbloggers button to the left lets you search out bloggers in various NY neighborhoods by subway stop. I'm at the 50th street C stop (sorta) so that's where mine is listed. Might be interesting to see what kinds of bloggers live near me. Or might not.

July 9

July slips away from me in a haze of unpacking (still), money worries (as ever) and last-minute preparations for Matt's upcoming CD (imminent!). It was time to update though. I am feeling backed up on writing at all, because of the chaos that steals my time and crowds my space. It's necessary chaos, but it's pretty stressful.

I like summer here, though I shouldn't. There have been some brutal humid days, when the sun dazzles your eyes and squeezes your head in a fiery grip and you stumble from shade to shade looking for relief. But there have been lots of days like today, when the temps dip into the 60s and rain washes away the stink and grime for a few hours. I was out at lunch while it was still raining, and the sidewalks had almost emptied, with smokers and those who forgot their umbrellas crowded into doorways, watching the sky, not saying much. Until you see them emptied, you forget how wide the sidewalks are here, like streets, and the boulevards are as big as highways. You see the whole view, not just the patch over someone else's shoulder like normal. The wet street stretches away in front of you with the buildings marching along beside it, crowding to the sky.

There's an intimacy to walking everywhere as opposed to driving. You get used to a smaller personal zone, and learn how to pace yourself to the crowd's speed just like you pace your car to the other cars on the highway. Except, you are also constantly looking into new faces, some smiling, some distant. I think I have a fairly friendly face in crowds, since people are always asking me for directions. I don't really know. Most of the time, I am lost in thought, carrying on my internal dialogue while I navigate by habit. It can be startling when someone interrupts by talking to me...I often have to take a second to answer them, to come out of my daze. Maybe the daze is how I keep my personal space around me, and how I don't freak out at the endless stream of other people.

Still, if you visit the same places enough, you get known. At the drug store on the corner and the bookstore down the street, the same people usually greet me with recognition. It's nice. But sometimes, I find I want the kind of anonymity that driving everywhere used to give me in Texas. At lunch, I'll go to some fast food place where no one really looks at you, instead of the little Chinese restaurant down the street where the owner knows what I always order and talks to me while she gets it together. She's always pleasant, but there are days even that little bit of interaction makes me shy away.

I'm used to anonymity. It's comfortable, like an old shirt. I'm not sure if it's shyness or just social ineptness on my part. There are days when I freeze up and feel unable to socialize at all...what do I say? How do I find things for both of us to talk about? What if we have nothing in common? What if they get bored, or I do? Somedays it just seems like too much hassle. I find that I talk a lot less than I used to. I've lost the ability to chitchat about things that don't interest me..at least for long.

There's a lot more I wanted to write this month, whole entries I emailed to myself from work, new pages, continuing projects, but they have to wait. But I'll do my best to keep coming back here for short visits until I have time to put them into shape for you.