JCongruity

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August 23

A brief rant about DC mass transit that is not meant to piss off any DC readers and does not change the fact that we had a kick-ass time at Journalcon.

When I left NY, I was telling Matt "Man, it sure would be nice to go outside and not smell urine." But when I'd been in DC a day, while still glad to be free of the urine smell, I was not happy with a metro system that just can't compare to New York's. No using your pass on both trains and buses? What's that about? The metro entrances scared me: imagine a long steep escalator going into a yawning concrete arch that looks as big as a football field, and you can't even see the bottom because it's so far away. Once you got to the bottom, you discovered they had decorated the place in a sort of Concrete Brutal architectural style so that every station looked like a reeducation center in a sci-fi dystopia. And all the stations look alike, so there is no relief from the massive rust-stained concrete walls, dark-brown tiles, orange accents, and strangely dim lighting that says "Hey, this is a good place to mug people."

There is a zone system that means how much your ticket costs depends on where you're going. OK, I could deal with that, but nowhere on the ticket machine or the walls of the station is there any signage that tells you how to calculate your fare. The buses work exactly the same way, which seems like a nightmare when you've got a commuter rush. The taxis have no meters, just a byzantine billing system based on zones and number of passengers that no tourist would ever figure out. They have you at their mercy, and they know it. Feh to you, DC transit system. New York is a model of efficiency in comparison.

OK, on to the fun stuff.

Debauchery
I would give you recaps of all that happened, but really you're better off with the Mathplusone threads here and here. As far as Matt and I are concerned, we staggered into town, gave a gig with half the equipment broken, partied crazy hard, ate like corrupt Roman emperors, met tons of nice if slightly buzzed people, gave some readings, and staggered home.

So the most notable debauchery was accidental. We were unexpectedly invited to Marrakesh, a local landmark Moroccan restaurant that's price fixe, which means "give us your cash and we'll tell you what you'll be eating for seven courses." That's right: seven courses. With bellydancing and acrobatic hot-tea pouring thrown in. Highlight quotes of the evening include: "What did they flavor the water with?" "How do you wash your hands in this thing?" "Wow, I would never have thought of putting sugar and meat together!" "Couscous? Why do we need multiple couses?"

They had a very accomplished and yet very scary bellydancer, who mesmerized you with her rippling belly, and also with her wrinkled skin. I think her retirement was nigh. She didn't do a lot of actual dancing, mostly belly and shoulder stuff, but then maybe she was still recovering from her knee replacement surgery that her grandson bought for her. Still the food was hella good, my friend, so we concentrated on that instead.

Intentional debauchery included an Ethiopian meal, which was tasty, mostly meat, squash, carrots and pototoes. It was all served on a big platter and you used an individual piece of bread to scoop up your food. Also, there was a karaoke night where I planned to sing Engelbert Humperdink's "After the Lovin" ( a song I rock at, actually), but the machine broke, so we all got drunk instead. And two days later I still have a headache. The vodka, she hates me. I think I will have to stay with beer next year. Karaoke was in a local gay bar, and Matt got hit on multiple times, which I found very flattering. Obviously I have good taste. I gave a reading on Sunday morning, but I was in a lot of post-vodka pain, so I can only hope I wasn't slurring. I actually got a good response (people laughed at the funny parts), and it was a real ego-boost. I like having a mike and telling stories into it.

Swag What I Got
Here's what I got, from whom:
Pins:Unmused's Jeaneane gave out little wooden carved faces. Sisters Whitney and gnomeloaf had little cute logo pins that will look good on the messenger bag I plan to buy.

Magnets: Thanks to mo pie, Angeline at dreaminglucidity, and cosmicrayola for something to keep my Past Due: Last Notice bills on the fridge with.

Tuneskis: Shmuel, one of the fastest talking people I've ever met, rocked with his mini-disc that included a Tin Pan Alley mix of Eminem, and Jessi's "Tangy Naked Music" mix was tasty with Guster and The Mars Volta. I heard that Monty's disk also rocked, but I must have missed it. In fact I never saw him at all, although I was supposed to challenge him to a Trival Pursuit duel. Maybe next year.

Stickers abounded. Kalamity had one that said simply "KISS" which will make people think I have a thing for heavily-makeuped poser rockers. Mutteringfool also ponied up some self-promotion, as did Rob, who hardly needs the exposure.The official sticker of JCon 04 reads "The bitch set me up" which is an in-joke so feel free to ignore it. Our other sticker was "Rockin' the hizzouse of representatives." We are so white, ya'll.

Random: First and best was Bozoette's foam clown nose. That's right: a clown nose. It wouldn't fit my gigantic schnozz, alas. She has also written a book, which she read from, and if you've always wondered what it's like to live in a circus and wear a clown nose every day, you should buy it.

There was a lovely beaded bookmark from squintt. Chickie Scratch gave away cute little duck erasers. Sassy at Backtalkingtotheworld made big ass keychains, Jessi at Biensoul made beer-opener keychains and hugged me a LOT while we were both drunk.Thanks Jessi, I feel loved. Kythryne made a little jewelry bookmark thingy attached to her mini-chapbook, and was also really sweet. At the readings, she a really good entry.I have decorative cards from Mandy at packsawallop, gardenporn (hee), and amalah. Amanda at amandasprecipice for some reason took a liking to us and gave Matt and me some of her special stash of Australian treats, although I don't think Vegemite belongs in that category. But I can truly say that a candy called "musk sticks" that looks like a pink number two pencil is something you won't often experience.

There was other stuff, but I wasn't able to grab it all. Next year.

Shoutouts go to molly and maxwell, my New York pals, Kalamity and russiagirl for organizing the damn thing and not being bitches meanwhile, and all my new friends: Josh Extra Crispy (who's still building his website), JohnConstantine, kat (who provided both the party rooms and vodka), Elizabeth (who was scary smart and nice), and Mo Pie, who kept calling Matt "Mr. Matthew Show" and wore a tiara. There were many others, and I am definitely shorting them, not because I want to, but because I failed to get their names properly into my head. Next year, I'll take pictures, I'll take notes, I'll get up for the panels in the morning. I'll avoid vodka. Maybe.

August 15

This will be the last entry before Journalcon, so I'll try to cram in everything remotely interesting to hold you over until I post again in September.

Bellydance continues, with our last class this Tuesday. The instructor is trying to get us to participate in a recital, but darn! I have to be at Journalcon that weekend. No dice, Teach. I'm ready for the class to be over, I think. The dancing itself stays fun, but I'm not a fan of the teacher, who just seems really bored with it all and not really interested in making a connection with us. It doesn't help that she probably has too many classes and that our class is overcrowded. And maybe teaching isn't her strong suit. At any rate, I now know a choo-choo shimmy from an omi, and you never know when that sort of information will come in handy.

Our friend deanpence has made it up here and is currently renting what may be The Tiniest Bedroom in Queens. Still, it's a place to put his crap while he works out the intricacies of jobs, New York photo IDs, and whether his smoking addiction is really worth $6 a pack or whatever it cost nowadays. We've been offering advice and the occasional leftovers as much as we can, and probably more than he wants, but hey, somebody's got to eat that leftover porkchop.

Right now, I'm burning sample CD's of some of Matt's tracks as swag for Journalcon. Many of the other blogger/journallers/whatevers are making cute knitted things, bookmarks, buttons, stickers, etc. to promote their sites. Not me. I've never been a disciplined crafter--my closets usually have bags of half-finished craft projects in the back, which get thrown out or given away at the next move. I once swore to embroider a pillow for my grandma, got half through by Christmas, and gave it to her with the needle still in it. I told her I would finish it soon, and of course I never did. I feel no guilt, though; I was only 12, and as I remember it, the pillow was pretty damn ugly. She was lucky I didn't finish it, because then she would have had to put it on the couch whenever I came over.

I would like to have a T-shirt silk-screen thingie though, because that's not hard to do and the results are very quick. And I have a lot of weird slogans and artwork I would enjoy putting on to a T-shirt. Like "Feminist. Liberal. Deal With It." although that's not nearly as much fun to wear up here as in Texas. Maybe something like "I'm a Gay Pirate" to confuse people.

I have finally posted my Tour de Testosterone Absalom Absalom review. Ain't you proud? I've also added a new political blog to my Read/Delicious section, Pandagon, which kicks all kinds of ass.

Also enjoy these bellydance terms, habibi. I know I did.